Monday, June 19, 2017

When Others Turn Their Back On You For Being a Housewife



I have had the pleasure of communicating with countless ladies who have decided to become housewives or are in the process of trying to become one. One of the biggest problems they've faced is having to listen to others scrutinize their choice. A lady, Kayla, who was an attorney and became a housewife told me that, coming from a family of doctors and lawyers in Manhattan, no one supported her choice. This seemed especially harsh to her since she was partially raised by the customary upper-middle-class nanny ...
"My mother never had enough time to spend with me as I grew up, and I didn't want to be that kind of mom, even though I know she greatly sacrificed for us in other ways." When her physician mother found out that her daughter was quitting life as a stressed out attorney to be a housewife and now stay-at-home-mom, her mother took to speaking to the rest of the family to get her to change her mind. Her mother got Kayla's father to talk to her about how much tuition money they spent on her, from private kindergarten all the way up to law school. Her competitive sisters insulted her by telling her she would basically be a dish washer and diaper changer the rest of her life.

"But that sounded good to me."

"It never dawned on my family that seeing their harried and stressful although successful lives would want to make me change the course of my life."

Kayla simply had enough. Even before she met her husband she began to question why she became an attorney. "People only see the nice dress suits. They don't see the yelling at the office and adversarial nature of the legal field." Kayla was worn out and couldn't bear the idea of spending her remaining working years in the same field. Even then she wanted to be a housewife, with or without kids.

"To this day I am sort of the black sheep of my family, which is ridiculous considering I made a very natural choice to be a stay at home wife and mother. They can pay their nannies and housekeepers. I want to do it myself."

Kayla also noted she lost some female friends when she became domestic. "I think there is this modern belief that women are only supposed to strive for career success while sacrificing home life, and people seem to just go along with that trend. Old colleagues want to talk about their latest Fortune 500 client and I just want to find new variations for my beef stew."

"Sometimes you have to say goodbye to people, realize that you get a more chilly reception from them, or understand you're out of their 'club'. But their opinions don't matter to me anymore because they don't care about my happiness."

Being a housewife proves to be too basic for some people. But us housewives cling to the basics, as they are foundations for a fulfilling life.

What about you? Have you gotten a chilly reception for choosing domestic life?

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I only had a job (not professional) before I quit work to be a housewife and mom so I did not have to deal with anyone telling me that I was giving up my education. The only person that did not support my housewife/mom transition was my mother in law. She had worked hard at a job most of her married life and thought I should too. She had a hard time thinking about her baby boy (in a way) being taken advantage of, working 2 jobs while I had none.--Melissa M.

The Quaint Housewife said...

Anon,

Mothers in law are perhaps one of the most difficult people to satisfy. I'm glad you did what was right for your family despite her dislike of this decision. Thank you for the comment.

QH

Lauren B said...

Yes! It seems like I get a chilly reception at every turn. I began to fear people asking me what I do for a living or extended family members asking me about the job that I no longer have. It got so bad that I would make excuses for family events. Having been home for a few years now I am slowly starting to get less anxious about these questions and accompanying judgements. I am ridiculously happy being a housewife and my husband loves that I am home just as much. That's all that matters. I am learning now that my everyday happiness totally outweighs people's negative opinions of what I do. I am also realizing that when people care that much about how you live your life the issue is much more their own than it is yours. Choose you and your husband's happiness over pleasing others every time! I loved this post!

Anonymous said...

Hello,

My father was against it and still is. And I'm 47! I've been a housewife without children for 8 years now. He tells me quite often that he would really want me to feel useful to society. It's quite sad to be honest. He was and still is very successful in his career as an architect. All the fame (he was on television, on radio etc.) but he's not happy inside. Always restless and on the run. My mom on the other hand is truly happy for me. She retired now but worked as a biologist for decades and was not really present in my life, sadly. I was raised more by my maternal grandmother back in Europe and she was a very happy woman (housewife during all her long and lovely life!). I guess I always wanted to be like her subconsciously and I'm happy to say that I finally succeeded.

All the best!

Mia

becky said...

Welcome back! Missed your You Tubes also. I get funny looks because I am 57 with 8
grandchildren.-"Why am I not working?" they say!!
Please..... I am tired but I also am enjoying my Hubby and my big garden and my 8 babies:)
Becky

The Quaint Housewife said...

Lauren B,

I am sorry you've had to face this time and time again, and glad that you've found happiness with your hubby. For the reasons you speak of I got rid of my personal social media accounts so that no one would know what I was up to when I quit my old job. Only a few people were allowed into my new life. But I am a loner and that's not for everyone!

Your wedding photo is gorgeous and you're a beautiful couple BTW!

The Quaint Housewife said...

Anon,

Bless your parents and their hard work. It seems successful parents don't always get to be there as much as is ideal. You made a great choice though. Someone in the household is paying taxes I'm sure, so that is useful to society already! My parents didn't approve when I left my old job either. I was 37 when I got married too. Enjoy the ride :)

QH

The Quaint Housewife said...

Becky!

Happy to see you :D I can't believe people ask you at 57 why you aren't working. Maybe at 60 years old they will leave you alone since that is an "acceptable" retirement age.

You don't really have time to work, what with such a big family and a garden. If you went to work somewhere, that stuff could fall apart! I am 41 and I am tired of the real world. I can't wait to get back into my house when I interact with humanity out there. So much stress and hostility. My 56 year old husband is my excuse as he is homebody too.

I am trying to grow Brussels sprouts, but I am not sure I have enough room for them to all grow.

QH

Anonymous said...

People are so nasty. There have been studies done that women are happiest when they are housewives. Other studies have shown that most women who work would rather be at home but feel pressured by other women to be "independent." The sad thing is that most of us are happy as housewives but as a result, we cannot be friends with most other women because of their jealous hostility.

The Quaint Housewife said...

Anon,

Yes, people can have such nasty personalities. I lost a friend myself because she heard I was going to be a housewife. My own sister was even nasty to my mom because my mom has always been a housewife.

Good points!

QH