Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Kitchen is My Woman Cave

Do you have a woman cave? For me it is my kitchen. Since I make the meals in the house it is the perfect spot to get something done while I think or get away from it all.

Now you must be thinking If you're a housewife, what do you need to get away from? Aren't you away from it all already? The answer is no. And I will tell you why.

If you are an anxious woman, who worries about the world outside, the bills, a broken furnace, snow piling up on the roof, the cat scratching your furniture up, your husband's 401(k), the argument you had with your husband, or having to stretch your food on-hand until you can make it to the supermarket next Friday, then you need a place and a time to wind down.

Many housewives get anxious. One of the reasons women like to become homemakers is because they want to be away from the outside world. They are natural homebodies.

But the truth is, even at home, you will encounter some concerns that worry you, at least from time-to-time.

And if you ever get cabin fever or feel a little isolated, your mind might might go a little overboard, thinking things your normally wouldn't. This is where the woman cave comes in.

You can mull over your cell phone bill worries or water heater break-down concerns while you chop your carrots and onions for that roast. You can come up with solutions while doing those everyday tasks in the privacy of your own cooking world.

And if your goal is not to mull but to clear your mind of it all, then the best thing to do in the kitchen is focus on a new recipe. I can't tell you how many times I made a new dinner or dessert I never served before all the while calming my mind from worries I have no business even worrying about.

I made cinnamon buns with raisins and walnuts because I was worried about Russia starting a war with us. I made my first pork roast with vegetables after realizing living in the Midwest meant barely ever seeing my parents that live in another state. When I need to clear my head over situations I have no control over, I get creative. Because nothing engages your brain cells more than trying something new. This means your other concerns get thrown out while your brain tackles the new task.

It also helps to look into my back yard while the food cooks, to take in the view of nature. And to take in the smells of the fresh food I am preparing.

Not only can you come up with solutions or free your mind in your kitchen/woman cave, but in the end you will have a delicious meal or dessert you and your husband will love.

In the protective world of your home, it is nice to know that you can coddle your mind and free yourself from worries.

What area of the home is your woman cave?


Anonymous said...

I am so happy that I've found your blog. I am in the same situation - housewife with no kids.
Unlike you, I did not choose this voluntarily.
I never wanted to have children however I always wanted to work and have a professional career. This became impossible because we were constantly moving due to my husband's job. Now I've got used to being a housewife and I am all in all fine with it. I've found out that there are other things in life than "jobs". I only hate being questioned by other people. "You are at home? And no children???" A lot of them feel that I "should" do something. I"should" either get a child or I "should" go working. Or both. WTH.
And to your question - my woman cave is my dressing room - I have a little table and a chair in there. I always sit there and make an overview of our finances :-)
All the best & keep posting! Mrs K.

Catherine said...

Mrs. K, I am glad you can relate! I think our society is so career-centric that people just don't get it when women like to stay home. And you know how people like to put labels on others. I usually tend to limit my exposure to just people I already know, because I know how "judgey" others can be. But being a housewife without kids is indeed normal and it seems you are starting to enjoy it.

I have found that if you like any domestic pursuits, like sewing, cooking, or decorating, you will not only be fine with being a housewife, but you might come to absolutely love it. If you saw my movie post about the "Stepford Wives," you will see I even like that.

Anyway, I think the dressing room is a great woman cave. You get your spot to be alone and also feel all pretty.

I loved hearing from you!

Anonymous said...

Dear Catherine!
Thank you for your fast response :-)
You are so right in everything! People always feel like you either have to accomplish something professionally or at least validate your existence by having children. But what if I simply don't want to??? I've come across people who told me I have an empty life because I have no job and no children. It can really get ugly out there..
I started googling SAHW after I had a bad experience at a dentist's office.
I have health insurance through my husband so they can immediately see that I don't work + have no children. The dentist and his assistant were so surprised about that, they even asked me back to confirm it. It was awkward.

I plan to read your entire blog, I can relate to a lot of things you write about.

As for domestic work, I am rather Paperworker.
I mostly like the results of the domestic work - I like a nice, clean house, a pretty garden, I like to eat well. In order to achieve all this, you have to put time and effort into it.

The best thing about being a housewife is IMHO the "inner peace". I am a person who likes harmony, one can say I am a harmony-addict. I am very stressed out by disharmonious relationships and interactions. And f.e. when you work you get plenty of that.

All the best! Mrs. K

Anonymous said...

Hello Catherine,

I found your blog some time ago and I love it. Like Mrs. K, I was googling SAHW and came across your thoughts.

I'm in the same situation. I stay at home and do not have any children. I do have a lovely cat and she's the boss, very sweet and demanding at the same time. :)

I live in the US but was born in Europe. I had a career back in the old country and worked for almost 13 years there. I also worked here in the US for 2.5 years. Like you and Mrs.K I also love to live in harmony. This is indeed very important for me and for my husband.

We are yogis and love to meditate. We also take long walks every evening in the nature, near the house (where there is a small eucalyptus forest) and enjoy listening to the silence.

The decision not to have children was easy to make, we -me and my husband- both feel the same. Like you, I was surprised by the comments of some friends, neighbors or strangers when they find out that I do not work. I studied in Europe and here in the US but found at some point that I do not like the intellectual constipation that comes only from the books or the professors' personal opinions.

One neighbor asks me constantly if I got a job and when am I going to get one, just because that person is herself looking for a job (she's a SAHM). Someone else, who had two terrible husbands (abusive) always tells me how lucky I am to have a husband like the one I do have and that I have to contribute financially in order to feel validated. She is restless and feels like when is silence in her life she gets bored. And so on.

My woman cave is my living room, where I work on my projects near the window. I knit for my 5 nephews and nieces who live in Europe and for my friends, paint in acrylic, cross stitch pillows and rugs and love to read in foreign languages.

All the best!

Catherine said...


I'm so glad you happened upon my blog and commented.

Your life sounds tranquil and lovely except for of course those pesky ladies that want you to work outside the home.

I love your projects: knitting, painting, stitching. I also do acrylics, although most likely not as good as you. You can make the house so lovely with these feminine home projects.

Please do subscribe to my blog if you are so inclined. It's so nice when a new housewife finds my site appeals to her.

Thank you and nice to meet you!


The Rebelprofiler said...

I don't know if I have a woman cave... but I'm sure glad to have found this blog! I almost feel like I can't call myself a housewife though because I left to switch careers from the VERY draining corporate world to the VERY rewarding field of midwifery instead of just to stay at home... and I'm not childless by choice.

But I once spent 4 hours on a Moussaka because I was worried about my husband's student loans and our bills. I also tend to randomly make cookies when I'm upset about something (it's the perfect excuse to eat tons of chocolate).

Catherine said...


You are an honorary housewife. And midwifery is a very traditionally feminine discipline. We have all experienced the bill worries. I am glad to have you here as a reader.