Sunday, September 14, 2014

Why Marriage is Wonderful

So there is a 50% divorce rate? That means there is a 50% success rate too. And while the media likes to focus on disharmony in relationships by showcasing dysfunction on TV shows and news stories, put all that garbage aside. Because when marriage is good, it is really, really good.

In my life I have always felt that 'good married' is better than 'good single.'

I used to watch movies about single people when I was unattached, like Francis Ha, a movie currently on Netflix. Francis Ha is about a single girl in Manhattan who is aiming to be a successful dancer. The story showcases her and her friends going through the motions of singlehood in the big city.

I could not get more than 30 minutes through the film before I shut it off, because the lead actress would do or say simple, harmless things and her male friends would say that she is "undateable" as a result. In addition, there was some loose sexuality in the film. After I shut off Francis Ha I thought, "it is so nice to be away from all that," to be a married woman.

Youth will take you through those single times occasionally unscathed, because in your 20s you're often in college or grad school, exploring the world, and not looking for anything serious yourself. But by the time you're in your 30s, you're often tired of that scene.

So when you finally have that ring on your finger, your world changes. And ideally for the better.

Why Marriage is Wonderful: 

  • All of your romantic mistakes in the past get wiped off the slate. You make a fresh start. None of your old hurts really matter anymore. And if you still experience pain from bad memories, a good marriage with time helps you get over them.
  • What a relief it is to know that you will never be dateless again. That you have right beside you the person that has made it their life's aim to be with you -- forever. The one person you want to impress really appreciates you in that beautiful dress or when you wear your hair just so.
  • Someone is looking out for you. When you're single you're usually surrounded by other single people who couldn't really care less if you came or went. Even when you're living with someone, there is no legal understanding that they are looking out for you. That's why they call it "shacking up." It's convenient. And while you or he might really be in love, what if one of you isn't? That band-aid has to be ripped off again. Blah.

My YouTube video on the topic!

  • You can build wealth together. Most married people end up buying a home and getting retirement plans. Gone are the days when you wasted too much money on trendy clothes and bars. Gone are the days when he wasted money betting on sports games or getting an expensive designer car.
  • You are established. You are a wife. You are spoken for. You are what you were meant to become.
  • You've got comfort when things go wrong. When someone slights you or hurts you, you've got the arms of your husband to comfort you. Even if you are more the silent type and don't talk about bad things you experience, having that person beside you still makes all the difference. 
  • You've got sexual intimacy for life. Sex is a healthy thing and you are promised to each other for this purpose too. You can try new things or keep it the same -- all within the privacy and security of marriage. And this man you sleep with wants to be there the next morning, and the next ... No questioning the intentions of someone who you think might like you. (One reason why marriage used to be so common at 18 to 21 years old is that it everyone knew that physical urges are rampant when you're young. And it was best done in the respectful relationship of marriage.)
  • You can build your dreams together. Maybe you want a sewing room. Maybe he wants to build furniture for the house. Maybe he wants you two to move to Florida for retirement. Maybe you want to save money for a three-week vacation to Europe. Any goal reached singly feels even better when reached together.
  • You've got love. Maybe it is romantic love. Maybe it is passionate love. Maybe it is love that comes from admiration and familiarity. It all comes under the umbrella of marital love, and there is no replacement for it.
When things get bad -- when you have a fight, when one of you says something hurtful, when one of you storms out the door, when one of you yells or curses -- think of the above list, repeatedly. It will help calm the storm, get you through the bad times, back to recognizing and appreciating the better aspects of your husband.


Mara said...

Hi to The Quaint Housewife! I loved your articles, especially the one about the benefits of marriage. My name is Mara and I have a Homemaking blog at I am not engaged yet. I found my self recently alone and I am building relationships in the attempt to find my strong Husband. Your blog is very inspirational and keeps me motivated. I can't wait until I reach this goal. You are very blessed. I look forward to more of your articles.

Bercel KyBer said...

I am so happy to find this blog. I am SAHW and I enjoy it immensely.

In fact, I enjoy it more than fighting corporate battles.

My life has not been easy and I feel like my happy marriage is a reward for all that I suffered as a child.

Keep on writing inspiring posts.

Bercel KyBer said...

Thank you for such a great blog. I was a raging feminist in my twenties until I met my husband. He was the best surprise of my life because I always swore that I would never marry. Now I am a SAHW and I am very happy. I take this role seriously and I enjoy the blessing of not having to fight corporate battles any longer.

Catherine Walker said...

Dear Bercel,

I am glad you enjoy my blog and am happy to have you as a reader. I too think about my marriage as a kind of reward. And I hear you on the feminism thing. I actually used to be a member of NOW (National Organization for Women) for a short time in my early 30s. But when I went to local meetings I learned their agenda, which was so liberal that it scared me off.

The topic of one meeting was helping women in prison because they don't get a lot of visitors or help from their families. Not that it isn't true, but I personally was more concerned with helping people that didn't break the law, if my valuable time was going to be spent for a cause.

But that was also in my single days, and I am pretty conservative now.

I honestly think traditional men are kind of belittled and minimized these days. That's why I appreciate so much having a traditional husband.

It sounds like you do too.

I think we could both write books about corporate and how soul-crushing it was for us. The corporate world is really what confines us. You have to fit the mold of a specific type to get hired, be promoted, or be appreciated.

It just wasn't "me."